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Monday, October 17, 2016

Jacob's Holiday Story.

I was feeling really excited when I was heading towards the Margaret Mahy playground on the private bus. Me, Jessie and Ryan were sitting together. When we got there we had lunch and when we finished lunch we were aloud to play. We played on the big spirally slide. It even made me brake my shoe. It was high and it was a long way to climb.  It was the best day of my life.
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2 comments:

  1. Mr Kris BarrowOctober 17, 2016 at 2:20 PM

    Hi Jake!
    Thanks for sharing your awesome writing with me!
    I like how you have included lots of detail in your writing, this has made it very interesting for the reader.
    I hope your shoe is okay? Did you ask Diana to help you fix it or did you get a new pair?
    Maybe next time you could add some adverbs before the verbs you have used, this will add ever more interest.
    e.g 'cheerfully' sitting together, 'frantically' finished lunch, 'carefully' climb.

    Cheers
    Mr B

    ReplyDelete
  2. Alicia CraigOctober 18, 2016 at 12:02 PM

    Hi Jake,
    You were very lucky to go to that playground in the holidays. IT looks like so much fun!

    ReplyDelete

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